Monday, March 8, 2010

Life goes on...

This past weekend, we had a baby shower for my niece Jessica.  She and her husband are expecting their baby boy in May.  It was a bittersweet event for me.  On the one hand, I'm getting ready to welcome my 4th great nephew into this world.  On the other, I'm getting ready to say goodbye to Ben, Mika and Kai (my nephew Mike's kids)...as they are moving to Texas this week. 

It's period of adjustment for me.  Just about every other weekend has been spent with these kids and I'm not sure what I'll do with all the "mothering" I've lavished on them.  But I'm taking this experience as an opportunity to practice what I preach.  What I focus on expands.  If I just focus on how much I'm going to miss them - I make myself miserable.  If I think about how fun it will be to visit them in Texas -  I actually get excited about the possibilities!  I do think I will be getting to know Texas quite well in the coming months.

Here's some pictures from the shower!

Nick getting some practice before the new arrival!

Jessica - the new mom-to-be - opening a beautiful hand made blankie!

Mika and Kai - before the crash!

Mika - crashed!

I'm in heaven - as you can probably tell!

The two most handsome men in the world!!!

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

The solution to regret

This may sound like a “no-brainer” but if you don’t have clear goals, that’s the first problem. A goal or a vision of what you want - long term – is the first step. So whether it’s to lose 20 lbs. or to vacation in Paris, you have to be crystal clear about what you want. In other words, your WHY has to be very compelling.

A practical plan for reaching your goal is the next requirement. Without a plan, a goal is just a dream. There are plans for weight loss, money management, even for keeping a relationship strong. So create or borrow a plan from someone else who has done what you want to do.

Next is support. Support and accountability are key. Because no matter how motivated you are when you start – motivation doesn’t last. Just go to a gym January 2nd and then return 30 days later and see the difference. So get a team or coach that will hold you accountable to taking action on your plan. This could be a business coach, financial advisor or even a workout buddy depending on your goal.

The bottom line is that while it might not be human nature to focus on the long-term, the rewards are definitely worth it.  It reminds me of another quote:
 
"A year from now, you'll wish you started today."
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Pain of discipline or regret

Awhile back, I heard a quote that stopped me in my tracks. Jim Rohn, America’s foremost business coach who recently passed away, said:

“We must all suffer one of two things: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret.”

While the truth of this quote sunk in, I had to admit there were plenty of things I had regret over because I never disciplined myself to change my result.

As I’ve shared this philosophy with others, I find that most of the time we put off the discipline because that has to come now while the regret can come much later.

Take our physical health for example. Getting off the couch or denying ourselves dessert happens (or doesn’t happen) in the present moment. The regret may come much later when we are diagnosed with diabetes, high blood pressure or develop a chronic pain in our knee.

The amazing thing is, statistics show that when faced with a dire consequence to our health only 5-10% of people will make a radical, sustainable change. You’ve probably heard of people diagnosed with lung cancer who wouldn’t give up smoking. This happens more than we can imagine.

But where else does this phenomenon occur? Where else in life do we put off the discipline until we are paying dearly?

Relationships – Many couples ignore the problems in their relationships until there is nothing left to salvage. It seems ludicrous that people would rather pay thousands to a divorce attorney than hundreds to a marriage counselor. But that is the point. To go to counseling now requires time, energy and sacrifice and most people just don’t want to make the effort. If you’ve been unfortunate enough to witness or go through a divorce, you see the regret firsthand.

Business – Typically 75% of all new businesses fail within the first year. After a year like the last, I suspect that number was even higher. So what happens in that first year of business that makes it so difficult to survive? In my experience, most business owners are not willing to pick up the phone to call for the sales or help they need. Whether it’s pride (I should be able to figure this out myself) or fear (They will reject me), before long the bills are unpaid and the doors have to close. The pain of discipline at marketing and prospecting is replaced with the pain of regret at losing a business.

Money & Finances – Over the last year, we’ve learned more about our neighbors spending habits than we may have ever wanted to know. About 43% of American families spend more than they earn each year, the average household carries more than $8000 in credit card debt and very few have savings or retirement accounts. This can only occur when short-term thinking outweighs long-term thinking. The very use of a credit card implies that we want it now – but we’ll pay for it later. Money is the number one thing couples fight about. Yet the discipline of managing their money seems more painful to them than the hiding, arguing, and ultimate regret when the money runs out or there isn’t money to do the things they really want to do.

So what is the solution? We live in an instant gratification society and we want what we want right now. So how do we shift to being more proactive before the pain sets in?
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Trapped in the Keys!

Believe me - there are worse things in life.  Due to the storm that hit the Northeast last week, I was "stuck" in the Keys with my friends Patti and David.  As you can see from the pics, I was suffering greatly.  I tried to make the best of it by kayaking and boating and lounging in the hammock.  And of course, I had to pay my hosts with their favorite treat - white chocolate popcorn ("crack corn" as my friends call it).  Eventually I was able to get a flight out of Miami and make it to Cleveland where I rented an SUV (a Toyota - are you kidding me?) and drove the four hours home.  While I was glad to finally be home...I notice I'm singing Kokomo and Margaritaville quite often.